On Patience
I’ll start this post by saying I’m not a patient person… but I want to be (and that’s not just a result of listening to Gary Vaynerchuk preach it constantly). Being a millennial, living in New York City and working in tech, I have developed the ever-constant mindset that when I want something, I want it yesterday. Sense of urgency can be a good thing in some cases — but I’m learning that mentality doesn’t fly in all aspects of life.
Patience is a particular topic that arose as I started to look back on my 2019 and plan for the year ahead. What do I want to accomplish? Who do I want to be? What will I have to do to look back and consider this year a “success”? In doing this I not only thought through tangible milestones to hit, but I also thought about the characteristics of people I want to be like. Emulating successful people I’m surrounded by has always helped me grow, as I try to take small bits of knowledge from their experiences and perspective to incorporate into my own persona.
Having patience, I’ve learned, is table stakes. That doesn’t just mean quelling the moments of angst and antsiness when waiting for a sandwich anywhere other than a speedy NYC bodega (although that’s part of it). Patience, I’ve discovered, is a vital skill that can be sharpened and honed over time, and is applicable in so many areas of life. It’s a skill that is more valuable than I had ever imagined it to be, and something I’m prioritizing in 2020.
There are a few key areas where I’ve noticed that patience is not only beneficial, but in fact it’s required.
The relationships in my life are the most valuable thing I have going for me. Whether it’s my family, girlfriend, friends, coworkers or mentors… I like to think that I am surrounded by people who know me, can trust me, and who would be there for me at the drop of a hat if needed. That dynamic doesn’t just appear over night — it’s taken years of mutual effort to get to that point. When I look at people I admire in all walks of life, they’ve got that tight-knit circle as well… and many of those relationships are older than I am. I’ve learned that it takes a long-term mindset to build long-lasting relationships in life — you get what you put in.
Venture capital is a particular business I’ve been fascinated with for years. Startups themselves (the companies funded by these venture capitalists) typically embody the fast-moving, quick-pivoting mentality I can relate to. But if you look at the venture capitalists behind those companies, however, it will take almost a decade (or more) before they even understand if they were right. They need to display not only long term vision, but they need to be willing to ride the highs and lows along with the founder and the company as they grow, mature, fend off competitors, and learn along the way. It’s also an uphill battle to even get access to the deals themselves — it takes years of work for the VC’s learn the business, build a brand, and gain the trust of those who seek their guidance. Unlike in other industries, the delayed gratification in venture capital is ever-present — so staying the course is more than required. I use venture capital as an example, but anyone in business I’ve studied over the years has taken time and long-term work to get to the corner offices they find themselves in.
This year, I’ve set out to hone and learn some new skills in life. I want to become a better writer. I want to become a great surfer. I want to become a yoga master. None of these things are easy, and they’re probably not all going to happen entirely this year. But whether it’s those skills, or any others I’m trying to add to my arsenal, I know that I’m going to have to be patient with myself. It’s frustrating (and painful) wiping out on what seemed like a ridable wave, but great skills take time. Learning is all part of the game, and patience is the art of staying focused on the mission when the end result you crave might not be right in your face. As long as you are better than you were yesterday tally that as a win.
Ultimately, patience is a true display of high emotional intelligence.
As Sam Altman has said, the days are long but the decades are short. I’m trying to be better about taking the steps each day on the path to checking the boxes I want to check over the decades. Life is a marathon, and while each mile is important, sometimes it’s great to know the race is long and you have to learn to pace yourself on that run. I’ll eventually be more patient, it’s just going to take me some time.
